Thoughts from Haiti

I just arrived home from Haiti. I wrote this for my church's blog and thought I'd share with you all as well. To read more about our visit click here.

I’m tired. Run down. Seen too much. Overwhelmed. The team is getting a little delirious. By the end of each day, we surprisingly experience a lot of laughter. Probably a way to cope with all that we’ve seen each day.

What do you do with the overwhelming stench that hits you when you enter a tent city? What do you do with the heartbreak of a girl who lost her entire family in the quake? What do you do with the sideways cross painted in the voodoo temple?

The people here have endured much. The human spirit is amazingly resilient. The people want to work. They want to care for their families. I have been impressed by the way these families dress sharp and have their hair done. They have not lost their dignity.

Yesterday we attended a good sized Pentecostal church. It was definitely an interesting experience. At one point, our entire team was on the church floor as the bishop poured (literally poured!) oil on each head and asked us to bless them. 700 people later, we had finished the job! While this was foreign to me, when I got past my own insecurities and just viewed it as an opportunity to pray, I was amazed by the way God allowed me to pray on their behalf. I was especially moved each time I prayed for a young man. I could tangibly feel the burden for these young guys to step up and lead their future families and communities courageously. Looking into their eyes I saw so many possibilities.

Today we are attempting to finalize the plans for Children of the Nation’s work in Haiti. We are finalizing board members and formalizing partnerships with other agencies so that together, we can offer the best care possible.

We just got freed from a traffic jam due to a strike. A drive that should have taken 30 minutes took 3 hours. Unbelievable.

I am tired. Ready to return home. Excited to see my family once again, and not looking forward to the long flight ahead.

Before I move forward to visions and plans for what this means for me and my community at home, I want to sit in this moment. To remember these people. To remember what I’ve seen. To be still and know that He is God.

See you soon,
Pastor Adam

Tension

I just put Eva down to bed. Said our prayers. Said goodbye. Said I love you a hundred times.

I'm leaving for Haiti in a couple of hours.

The past week has been really tough. When Eva's heart condition returned and we found ourselves back in the ER again, it felt like everything had gotten tipped upside down. I felt disoriented, confused, frustrated and tired. Corrie and I then had hectic weeks that kept us preoccupied, so we haven't really sunk into this new reality with Eva, probably still in shock and denial about it all.

Yesterday, I found myself hosting a seminar speaker at a conference our church was putting on. Sitting on the floor in a packed out room, God began to speak. Talking about desire, spiritual growth, disappointment, grief and loss, I found myself confronted with all the questions and feelings I had been avoiding all week.

What do I desire for Eva?
Am I able to live within the disappointment of these unmet desires?
Have I truly surrendered these desires to God? Have I grieved?

Listening to your daughter's racing heart is unbearable. Watching her cry for help in the emergency room is heart wrenching. Why the pain? Why the sorrow?

Yesterday I learned that it is within the great tensions of life that God most truly reveals Himself and invites us to grow with Him. Life and death. Joy and sorrow. Abundance and scarcity. God hasn't abandoned me, my family or my little girl. He grieves with us. Hurts with us. Laughs with us.

Though there is still much to process, I find myself leaving for another adventure and entering into a foreign place filled with despair, sorrow and loss. What does God have in store for me in Haiti? What does He have in store for my church? What does He have in store for you?

I have an odd job. One that finds me on the college campuses of San Diego and flying to the earthquake ravaged city of Port au Prince. There is so much pain in the world. So much hurt. Yet as I laid my little girl down to sleep and she reached up her little head to give me one final kiss, I am reminded that there is so much beauty. So much joy.

Life is full of confusing tensions, and I hope that I can continue to walk the meandering and difficult road within all of them. Please pray for me and my team while we are away. Pray that God would give us a vision for how our church can best serve the Haitian people ... and while you're at it, send some love Corrie's way :) She's just a phone call or email away. I'll be home on Tuesday, March 16th.

Au revoir!

A Brighter Day

Eva's little heart is doing much better today. She no longer has a fever, so hopefully she won't have any more episodes. We're scheduled to see her heart doctor in a few weeks, so hopefully we'll get some better answers then. She seems to be feeling much better ... sleeping like a champ and starting to eat again. Corrie is doing better too. She went back to work today.

Thanks for all the prayers!

Eva's Annual Health Update :)

Hey everyone,

Can't believe it was just a year ago that we were posting like crazy about Eva's health ... well, sadly, here's the latest update.

On Sunday we took her to the ER because she was in a heart episode. On the way there, we feel like we witnessed a miracle as we could physically see her coloring change as her heart went back to normal all on its own. They still admitted us, did some tests and discharged us with increased dosage on one of her heart meds. Corrie and I are both really bummed that this heart thing hasn't gone away, but thankful we didn't have to stay in the hospital. It appears that a high fever is a trigger for her heart issue.

Yesterday, Corrie woke up feeling really sick, so she stayed home from work. We still had our babysitter show up to help her out. Around noon, we noticed that her coloring had changed once again and that she was shaking like she was really cold. She wasn't acting fussy or irritated, just a little dazed. Whenever we have seen these symptoms she is normally in an episode. We checked her heart and she was fine, so Corrie got on the phone with her doctors. Several hours later, neither her pediatrician nor her heart doctor was too concerned (though we still are!). The entire funkiness with Eva lasted about an hour.

Last night, Eva slept beautifully and her fever has reduced a bit. Corrie will be with her today.

We don't know what this all means. Doctors aren't being super helpful, but luckily she has been in good spirits. The only challenge right now is that she isn't eating. She's been like that since Friday, so we're concerned on that end. She's drinking liquids, but that's about it. Corrie also still feels really ill ... and I leave for Haiti and the Dominican Republic Sunday night.

If you get a chance, could you pray for the following?

- For Eva's fever to disappear
- For Eva's appetite to return
- For wisdom from the doctor's ... to discover why she gets these cold spells
- For Corrie's health to return
- For emotional sanity for our family :)

We're holding together the best we can. It just feels like Eva's a little ticking time bomb .... we thought this was all behind us, so it's tough to open the door to all of this once again.

We love you all and thank you for your support.

Adam & Corrie